Many people who are depressed tend to isolate. The reason for this is as complex as it is simple.
When you run into someone in a restaurant what is the first thing they ask you – “How are you?” If you are one of the many people who are struggling with depression you immediately know after hearing those words you have two choices. 1) To tell the truth and explain that you have been very depressed lately and even getting out of bed in the morning is a struggle or, 2) you can lie and say, “I’m fine, how are you?”

If you are the type to pick option 2, at this point you are probably standing there uncomfortably, hoping that your acquaintance is self-involved enough not to noticed that you just lied. For those of you that actually tell the truth, no matter what, you may notice that the body language of your friend is letting off a lot of tells that they are uncomfortable, don’t know what to say, and may be wishing that they had asked anything but what they did.

Why do Depressed individuals tend to fib about how they feel? Well, most of us have realized that as well-meaning as our friends and acquaintances are, often they really don’t know what to say when they are hit with an emotionally charged response to that innocent question. Some times they give us advice that isn’t applicable, or is so obvious, but non-helpful that we can’t respond honestly. Some people just don’t want to share because sadly, even in 2011, there is still stigma associated with Depression.

Recently, AARP did a study on Loneliness in individuals over the age of 45. Of the 3,000 individuals that answered the survey 35% met the criteria for being lonely. Lonely people tended to deal with their feelings by watching TV, going out by themselves, eating, drinking, shopping, or surfing the Internet. Lonely people were more likely to describe their health as being “poor” (46%). Lonely people had less sex, made less money, and got less sleep than non lonely people.
What was interesting about this study is that the responses the lonely people gave were very similar to the symptoms of depression. One of the things that my depressed patients do is Isolate. Usually they say it is because they are tired or don’t have the energy to get together with their friends and go out. Or, perhaps they feel that they don’t have any friends.

So what about the non-lonely people? They were more likely to sleep at least 8 hours a night, had sex at least once a week, reported that they had at least 5 people to talk to about personal issues and feelings, and had a spouse that accessed the Internet/Email on a daily basis. They also described themselves as being very religious, attended services regularly, had hobbies that they worked on, and went out with friends to talk about their problems when they felt lonely. In essence, they created what I call an “extroverted coping mechanism ” to deal with loneliness.
What does this suggest? It makes sense that having regular human contact tends to decrease loneliness, which is one cause of depression. Even going to an event alone where you are surrounded by other people tends to decrease the “feeling” of loneliness.

People are depressed for many reasons, loneliness is just one in a long list. But if you are struggling with loneliness try finding a group of people who like the same things that you do. I often suggest to my patients that they go onto www.meetup.com and look for people who like the same things that you do. Search for skiing, hiking, single parents, or any hobby that you have not visited for a while.

They even have groups for people who are Bipolar or Depressed! One step to beating isolation might be to find a group of other people who are feeling how you feel or doing what you may not have the energy to do alone.

It’s one step. One step that may begin your journey out of isolation.