Therapy for
Chronic Illness
So, You Finally Found Out You Are Actually Sick
...despite everyone else thinking you were crazy
If you were recently diagnosed with a Chronic Illness you are probably pretty overwhelmed. It takes the average person often years to get correctly diagnosed with some diseases (especially Systemic Lupus for example). Which means you may have experienced some scary symptoms or physical pain that none of your doctors could figure out.
After waiting what seems like forever for you GP to send you to a specialist, then for that specialist to listen to you (and not assume you are making it all up to get attention), run copious quantities of tests (fighting with your insurance company all the way) to FINALLY get the correct diagnosis (you hope)!
During this process that often moves at a glacial pace you can start feeling like you are making a big deal out of nothing, are possibly dying slowly but no one seems to care, or just plain crazy!
Sadly, this is the path that almost all of my patients have been on. By the time they reach me, they are feeling like they need a long stay in the “Ha Ha Hotel” for women that “think they are sick but their doctors have convinced them they are attention seeking”.
Granted, there are people that have an actual psychological disorder that causes them to have a desire for the attention they feel they will get if they are ill (Munchausen Syndrome). In my 30+ years of practice, those individuals have not landed on my couch.
However, I have been flooded with women who have been treated AS IF they were crazy, when in reality they were very ill. Often with very rare diseases that most doctors were unfamiliar with.
By the time you have seen a bunch of people in white coats because of pain, weird rashes, swelling ,chronic infections, or countless other symptoms that come and go, which your medical team can not sort out you begin to feel that they must be correct. It is all in your head.
Please remember, just because they can’t sort out what is going on, does NOT mean that you are not sick! You just haven’t found the right doctor yet.
If I have a physical problem, why do I need to see a therapist?
The simple answer? Because your family and friends alone cannot support you in the way you need.
When you were a child daydreaming of your future while watching a Disney film or reading Jane Austen you never thought, “oh gosh, I want to be Cinderella , or Elizabeth Bennet but I want to wake up with chronic pain every day.” You never imagined that your family and friends would question you about why you can go to the store on Monday, and end up on the couch in pain from Tuesday through Thursday. Or why when your friends ask you to lunch in a week, you need to call them the morning of the luncheon and let them know how you feel.
And then there are the kiddoes. No doubt you’ve learned coping skills for dealing with your kids on your “bad days” but perhaps they are upset and angry that their mum can’t go to all of their soccer games like the “other mom’s.”
You are drowning in guilt because you are too tired by noon to volunteer at school, or stay late at work, or even have any desire to have sex with your partner.
Suddenly everyone in your life who were so supportive in the beginning of your health journey are acting different. Friends stop calling or get off the phone quickly when you talk about your recent trip to to your doctor.
You spouse is acting cranky or disinterested when you try to tell them about the large amount of medication you are amassing in that big box you swore you’d never buy, and the kids are humiliated that mum has to park in that special parking space even though you aren’t in a wheel chair.
You need a therapist because it truly does take a village to support someone with health issues. The last thing we want to do is burn out the people we love, but we desperately don’t want to walk this journey alone.
Maybe you’ve found some support groups on Facebook. I’m not going to tell you not to do this! FB helped me get a lot of information as I was amassing diagnoses like kids collect Pokemon Cards.
However, it was the occasional comment online suggesting that I “not worry so much” that seemed to tick me off.
I knew, it was just that they were uncomfortable with my needing to resesarch to feel in control. Some people do the opposite. Neither is wrong. But I was uncomfortable being shamed for my coping skills.
So I stayed but took online health support groups with a huge grain of salt.
You need to see me, because you need a therapist that understands your jouney. That has multiple health problems, and get’s it when you say you just aren’t strong enough today. That understands when you are angry when your friends don’t get it. That won’t judge you when you want to scream at the top of your lungs that you are exhausted, in pain and fell that no one cares or gets it.
And will really feel your pain when you explain that since COVID you are too afraid to leave the house and furious because your family won’t mask or get the vaccine to protect you.
Why should you see me, when I can't cure you?
Because not only have I walked in your shoes,but I own several pairs. I have struggled with the emotional aspects of Chronic Illness since 1994.
I desperately wished that I could find a therapist that would listen and “get it.” When I didn’t, I started free, in person, support groups for women who needed to meet up with other people who were struggling but afraid to tell the truth about how bad things had become. Being sick isn’t sexy. And one of our biggest fears is telling the truth and having everyone leave us.
You are right. I can’t cure you. But I can listen to you tell me every appointment that you are sad and angry and I won’t get burned out.
I can help you learn ways to decrease your stress, because stress increases your pain. I can help you sleep better at night. Teach you how to advocate for yourself with your medical team. How to explain to your doctors that you need pain medication, but you aren’t an addict and would appreciate not being lumped into the “opiate crisis” lecture.
There are many other things that I can do to help you deal with your illness. However it’s mostly for the one thing that we can’t think of right now, that may be the most important reason to consider adding me to your support team.
If you’ve made it through all of this…pick up the phone.You know right now if I’m who you need.
And if you aren’t sure, that’s ok. When you are ready, I’ll be here.
